I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
whose parrot is this?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
