You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
