my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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