oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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