puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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