is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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