I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
