I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
