I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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