sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize