He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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