There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
