I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
