She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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