Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
