I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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