on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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