I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
