Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
