I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
