I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
