Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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