I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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