I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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