Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
