God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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