I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
