oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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