so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
