I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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