dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
