Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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