I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
