Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
