and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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