How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
