mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
