puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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