Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize