Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
