But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize