Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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