oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
