I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize