i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
