This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
