how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
