we have pet lesbian snakes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
