I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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