Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
