I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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