margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
