Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
