Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
