Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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