I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize