We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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