I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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