ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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