I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
