he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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