The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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