Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
