That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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