So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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